Hello everyone to whoever is reading my blog haha.

This week has been the worst week ever for me. Basically, my grandma is going to pass away, and my parents are going to separate really soon. My mom needs my support to be able to carry on taking care of the 3 kids + grandma, since my dad is absent from our lives (in fact, he's a burden). But, I too really need support. I am trying my best.

Rushed down to the hospital anxiously after school after hearing my grandma's in critical condition. The doc says she might go into coma any time, and will leave to be with the Lord very soon. She was really frail, looking at a small & thin body lying on the seemingly huge hospital bed. She could not talk much, and could barely open her eyes. The doctor had found out that a tumour/growth of some sort had burst in her brain & there was bleeding. This explained the headaches that my grandma had been experiencing, and she says they were so painful she wanted to knock her head against the wall. :'(

I held her hand today at the hospital and it was really warm. I told myself, very shortly, I would not get the chance to feel her warm hands anymore. I called out to her, and she recognised my voice. She opened her right eye, she could not see me clearly. She was looking at a space to my left rather than looking at me. Her deterioration in merely two days really saddened me. Although she was suffering, she used up every once of her strength to open her eyes slightly to greet that person. She was really suffering.

My grandma is the type of person that does not complain about anything, just wanting peace and harmony in the family. She would rather sacrifice herself than create any trouble or strife within her community and family. For anyone who has met my grandma before, you would describe her as the friendliest grandma ever. She would offer you food and drinks non-stop (sometimes over friendly haha). She cooks the best chicken rice, the best home cooked food.

Today, I remembered the first memory I had of her. It was the time my mom and dad had separated and we lived in a condo. My grandma had come to help take care of us. She would send me to primary school everyday, and when we passed by the mall, she would treat me to my favourite apple strudel from Delifrance. It was expensive but she still always treated me just to make me happy.

Such memories are beautiful, but they really hurt at the same time. When I think of such incidents, I would tear up quite badly, but they make me smile as well. This can be said to be the first time a close relative to me is going to pass away. I don't know how I am going to handle it when the day comes, but for now, I'll choose to trust in the Lord, and borrow His strength to support my mom.

The Lord has been so good to my grandma and my family, words fail to describe the kind of gratitude I have for God. Without You Lord, none of these miracles would have happened. Thank You Lord Jesus. I love You.

I will always remember my grandma, and I will always love her.

Long time since I was last here.

Tomorrow is the start of MCTs. I can't believe I was just saying last year how happy I am to take MCTs. Now, it's here. Although, I am still happy that I can take MCTs, it's become a lil dreadful because I don't think I am prepared enough. Honestly, TJ, 1 week ain't enough.

I'm here because I want to record a particular event.

Just a while ago, my brother threw ice onto my maid while she was sleeping. Naturally, I complained to my mom about his behaviour, in the presence of my dad.

I said: "Mummy, Jiahao threw ice on Auntie while she was sleeping."

Mom: "Huh why did he do that?"

I: "How do I know. You go ask your son lah."

Then my dad without hesitating, just said: "You know by saying 'your son', you are trying to shrug responsibility of his behaviour to us. You think the way he behaves has nothing to do with you."

Not once did he mention about the fact that my brother was so disobedient and rude to my maid and also that my brother unbashly admitted to doing so. Can't he see a huge problem out of a small one? I do. Instead, he rather corrects my behaviour for insinuating that his behaviour is their fault.

Then he asked me: "Bad things he do, you say "your son", when he does good things, are you going to say "your son"?"

I said "Yes." confidently.

I don't want any recognition like how he does when I perform well in school or when I got into TJ. He tells his friends like it's like effort and hard work that I have such achievements. My foot.

Note to self: He used the F word, like "F- off" to my mother." Like seriously, I have zero respect for him. And today was their wedding anniversary. Actually, what wedding anniversary do they have to talk about when their already divorced (shall not elaborate further). Seriously the most epic thing.

Okay, that's about it with my dad.

~~~

You suddenly called me today which caught me off guard and I didn't know how to react. My whole mind went blank the moment you said "hello". When I put down the phone, I swear my heart felt like it was going to explode. This new excitement and hope, I have not felt in the longest time, made me have butterflies in my stomach. I've told myself that you're not going to be the one, but, you're making me re-consider that now.

Who knows, these feelings now may end up just like the rest, but nonetheless, I'm keeping my options open.

My f-ed up sister who just thinks she's too old to listen to anyone.
Does not have basic manners. (table, etc)
Has no respect for anyone older than her.